Why Do Married Men Still Flirt? Why do married women still flirt?

These are search terms people have used to find the Cityflirting website. I don't know if they found the answer, though it seems to me that it's sort of distributed across all the entries. Let's unify the question into this: "Why do people in happy relationships still flirt?"

The answer: "Why not?"

Which seems simple, but may be unsatisfying to someone who asked the question. But the question only makes sense if you believe that the only purpose of flirting is to find a mate. (or if you believe flirting is a precursor to infidelity, in which case that's the question you should be asking directly.) Obviously, if flirting is something that only serves to get you into a good relationship, then doing so once you've achieved that would be a waste of effort. Once you find a job you like, you probably don't keep going to job interviews. But finding a mate is only one of the reasons for flirting. Others include:
Validating your attractiveness and sexuality. Maybe you have a significant other who has seen you through thick and thin, fat spells and bad hair, sickness and bodily embarrassment. You love that person, but you may also want to hear that others, who don't have to go home with you, think you are attractive.
Networking. If you want to leave a good impression, whether you're looking for work, business, making political contacts, or selling a book, your best bet is to add some of the energy that comes from flirting.
Fun. Flirting is, above all, a game of the mind. It's an intellectual engagement, sometimes with only the lightest hint of sexuality. Flirting keeps the mind sharp.
Also:
Protestors flirt.
Job interviews often involve flirting.
Chefs flirt to make their food taste better.
Flirting can get you a free hair cut.
Giving away free samples takes a little flirting.
IT guys develop business with flirting.
And teenagers flirt, using firecrackers, just to get squeals.

There are so many reasons to flirt. Only two of which go away when one is in a relationship. Of course if you don't like what your partner is doing, you can address it. But if your real fear is that he or she is considering cheating, that's a whole other problem.

posted by dan @ 9:32 PM