Elements of flirting
We can expand on this later, but let's just get some stuff down on paper. Flirting can occur in any of the following situations:
- Complete strangers. On a bus, metro, coffeeshop, bookstore, bar, party, or just on the street.
- Recent acquantance. Someone in a class, perhaps. Someone at a party where people mostly know each other. You are introduced to someone, maybe you are sitting down, in a group, to dinner.
- Friend. Short-term, long-term, available, or walled-off. Maybe you flirt because there are unresolved tensions, or you flirt because all possibilities are exhausted and it's non-threatening.
- Frenemy. Like a friend, only there is antagonism and competitiveness involved.
- Romantic other. Whether dating, hooking up, seeing each other, living together, or married for a long time, flirting is still part of the equation. Sometimes takes the form of needling.
The basic forms of flirting are:
- Eye contact. Whether direct or glancing, one at a time or both together, the eyes are key. One friend, a woman, likes to play a game where she tricks randomly selected men on the subway to look at her.
- Physical gestures. Body language. Playing with hair, neckline, stretching, puffing one's chest out.
- Opening conversation. The comment/line/question that tries to open up two-way communication.
- Follow-up. More questions, comments, playing off the other person's responses. Sometimes paced to allow the other person a sense of being able to escape if she/he chooses.
- Touching. A way to sort out the possible from the not likely. Casual touches can be clearly reciprocated, shrugged off, or ignored without bringing up the issue directly.
- Ongoing conversation. Ideally, flirting is a game played mind to mind. Conversation, accompanied by eye-contact, some touching, and body language is the road to, whatever is next. (which could be friendship/business relations/romance/whatever)
posted by dan @ 9:39 AM
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