Everybody's talking about the Man Date

I was going to ignore this. A woman, who has already shown clever marketing by adding a number to her name, writes an article exploring male insecurity. Men are easy targets, and fodder for humor ranging from Urinal Selection to Not Eating Quiche. We are never quite sure what manliness is, but we’re pretty sure we’re being held up to that standard. But blogs are going to town over this article, other news outlets have picked it up, and Google is chock full of Man Date entries.

First off, though many are calling the author “stupid,” she is in fact quite brilliant. She took an area that seemed well trodden and claimed it, at least for this week. Male insecurity has fueled such a constant stream of humor and analysis that you wouldn’t think anyone could add something fresh. And, well, nobody did. However, by isolating a subset of those insecurities, and re-branding it, the author rises above the clamor. Her use of the term “Man Date” is especially effective, as it echoes with Seinfeldian wit.

Really, though, what’s the big deal?

First, there is the hint of homophobia. Some of the explanations given by her interviewees do sound that way. And it’s true that straight men often try to avoid being seen as gay. Wrapped up in this is the fear that being seen as gay is less manly. The irony, of course, that the more you wrap yourself in symbols of manliness, the more likely you are to come across as gay. The Village People successfully appropriated many manly archetypes, and they won’t give them back.

But a lot of guys really don’t care if the general public thinks we are gay. We may even drag a guy along to a movie or out to dinner without giving it a thought. Still, there are some things that make us uncomfortable, such as:

• Splitting a dessert.
• Umm, I can’t think of anything else except, oh,
• Sharing a paddle-boat. (Who would ever get into a paddle boat if they weren’t trying to get somewhere besides across the water?)
• And, of course, foot-rubs. (See Pulp Fiction for the full explanation.)

These are things that are inherently romantic. Sometimes, when out with a woman friend, we may do them and pretend there is no romantic sub-text. We pretend a lot of things when we’re out with our women ‘friends’.

Unleashing romantic gestures is tantamount to vulnerability, and male on male vulnerability is inherently uncomfortable. The fear here is not becoming Gay, but turning into that 70’s style “sensitive” guy who women toyed with and rejected completely in the 80s. We know what women want. And it’s not for guys to become all sensitive and vulnerable to each other. They want us to be a little stiff and uncomfortable about that whole thing. And they will continue to write teasing articles about it.

posted by dan @ 1:00 PM